March 26, 2014 Well, I just got the bad news that they are closing the West Adamoua area. All six of us volunteers are being evacuated and have to find new villages, towns, or cities for our service. There are five of us who can go back to our villages for up to 10 days to pack up our houses, say goodbye to all our neighbors, friends, and work partners. The volunteer from the village with the rumor about terrorists will only get 24 hours to say goodbye to everyone and get her things together. It seems impossible to complete all those difficult tasks in 24 hours. I am grateful I will at least have some time to try and explain this situation with my mediocre French skills. It will be difficult since I have no more information than the day when the Peace Corps car came and took us out of our villages a week and a half ago. Still just a rumor, still no incidents, still not informing us about what has been done to investigate, and no information on the reasoning behind abandoning our new homes and our villages, who were counting on us. I have no idea how to deal with this. I know to people back home in the States it is difficult to understand. Why be so upset if it’s dangerous there? I know it is better if I move to a safe village. The thing is Mayo-Darlé is so calm and safe. I love my neighbors; they worry about me if I am sick and don’t come out of the house for a day. Sometimes it would annoy me, but now I am being very nostalgic about it. I feel safer in Mayo-Darlé than in any other city or town I’ve visited here in Cameroon. People know where I live, they know my name, they protect me; I am there for them and they understand that. Now, I am just going to pick up and leave after 4 months of only learning languages, making friends, and integrating. I haven’t done any productive work for my village yet, and now I won’t even have an opportunity to. Yes, I am close to the Nigerian border, but it is south Nigeria and the weekly terrifying news stories come from northern Nigeria. If there were terrorists in my village, everyone would know, and they would chase them out of town (literally words from a friend there). They would tell me if there was a real threat and then I would have something to worry about and a reason to leave. Right now, they think it is laughable because there is none of that happening there. They don’t understand why the Peace Corps is making me leave. What can I say or do to help them understand this unfortunate situation? Soon, I will have to say goodbye to the children, women, and young men I have made friends with and who have become my family in Mayo-Darlé. My neighbor who brings me dinner after a long day of travel. My neighbor who I make tea with nearly every night. My neighbor who has a television and lets me visit any evening I don’t want to be alone in my house. My neighbor who has two kids who come visit me and speak English, French, and Fulfulde with me, then refuse to leave my house without a bon bon. The neighborhood kids who come over and ask for the soccer ball, draw, and play with my singing greeting cards. The three widows across the street who always have a full house and lots of food to share with me. My Anglophone family who shows me how to cook, braids my hair, and brings me along to any type of meeting I could benefit from. The kids who scream my name on my way home from the market. My friend who has a boutique in the market; we talk about religion, tradition, culture, and just simply pass time watching people and playing with telephones. The boutique owners who I have come to like and who teach me a new Fulfulde word every time I buy something from them. My counterpart who has invested time and energy into getting me integrated into the community and has missed school to attend trainings for Peace Corps with me. The people from the small bush village I just helped create a youth association in, who invited me in with open arms, and high expectations, to assist them. All of this is in the past now. All the energy I spent making friends, trying to discover what Mayo-Darlé wants/needs, down the drain. When a post is closed, as mine is now, volunteers cannot even travel there. I will not be able to see the women, who never even leave their compounds, unless I can go back to my village. The children who are still growing and learning will forget me. The kids who love to come into my house and do gymnastics, draw, play, and talk will not be able to do that anymore. I will disappear without a good explanation of why. It wasn’t me who decided this, but it is me who will be remembered as the girl who deserted Mayo-Darlé. The village will not get another Peace Corps Volunteer, maybe ever again, even though there is lots of work to be done. I know it would not look good for Peace Corps if they let us go back and then something happened, but they could have at least asked for our opinions on our villages. They give us the power to be our own supervisor, worker, doctor, pharmacist, everything, but they don’t let us give our two cents on what our village is really like. To some of them, it is just a far away small bush village close to the Nigerian border. Some have never even been there. Some don’t even know how far away it is. They don’t know the people of Mayo-Darlé and how badly they want to work for the development of their town. If you put us out in the middle of nowhere to fend for ourselves, we deserve the respect that accompanies that type of responsibility. We are young adults who have left our loved ones for two years. We have painstakingly learned the language and local dialect to integrate and become a part of our communities. We work towards, and our encouraged to, be in solidarity with our community but after one rumor we are taken out like the foreigners we are. It is encouraging the exact attitude Peace Corps tries to combat. We are foreigners, but we are Peace Corps Volunteers, it is something to be proud of. We live in our villages for 2 years to become a member of our community and really understand what the community members want. I know this frustration, sadness, and anger will pass, but right now it is difficult to understand why I have to leave my village. I love Cameroon and being here, but right now it is a real struggle to stay positive. I was terrified of Mayo-Darlé when I first heard I was going to live there, but I overcame those fears and I was happy there. I have friends there. I wanted to work there. I wanted to be a part of that community for at least 2 years to come. I guess I need to let that idea go now. The next step in this process is going back to Mayo-Darlé, packing up my house, saying goodbye, and finding a new home. I don’t know where yet, but I think I would like to stay in the Adamoua region in the hopes the culture would not be too different, and I wouldn’t have to relearn a ton of things. It is hard to imagine a new village, home, and friends when I have just put all my energy, for the past 4 months, into my current home. I don’t want to do it but I don’t want to come home to the States. I haven’t done anything for my village or for Cameroon. I need to do something worthwhile here. I It has been a rough day, as I’m sure you can tell by my writing. I know it will pass and I know things will calm down, but right now I am processing all of this bad news and trying to understand what this means for my service here. Hopefully, this process of finding and moving to a new home doesn’t take too long. Living at the “Case” (basically a flop house for volunteers in this area) is getting old and dirty. Also, as it is I will have 4 months less than normal at my new post. Although, I may need a little time to regain the strength and energy to start this whole process again. I am not naturally an extrovert and every day in the first days at post were draining. I don’t know how I will do that again. Ugh! For those of you who have sent packages or mail, I will try to get them all before leaving Mayo-Darlé for good, or have them forwarded to me somewhere. Until I have a new home, I would just hold off on sending any mail or packages. I hate to say that because I love getting mail and packages from you all.